What If Your Entire Career Was Built on Who You Thought You Had to Be?
You know that moment when you’re standing in front of the mirror, toothbrush in hand, wondering,
“Wait… how did I get here?”
Not in the existential, movie-montage way, more like the quiet, I-don’t-think-I-chose-this-but-here-we-are kind of way.
If that’s you, you’re not alone. In fact, I’d say you’re in very good company (hello, burnout brigade and overachiever alumni). We’ve been trained, programmed and praised for choosing the “right” path, often at the cost of our own voice.
But what if that entire path… that title, that desk, that LinkedIn bio… was built on who you thought you had to be?
The Great Pretend
As kids, we were told we could be anything. But somewhere along the line, "anything" turned into "what’s sensible," "what pays well," or "what your parents can proudly tell the neighbours."
So, we complied. We learned the rules. We climbed the ladder.
And for some, that ladder was leaned against the wrong damn building.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary puts it perfectly:
“We don’t wake up. We grow up being told who we are. And then we spend our adulthood unlearning it.”
Sound familiar?
When the Suit No Longer Fits (Even If It’s Metaphorical)
There comes a time, usually in between calendar invites or crying in your car, when something inside you whispers: This isn’t it.
And we do what many high-functioning adults do: We hush it with coffee, routines and a killer work ethic.
Because it’s not that bad, right?
But here’s a truth bomb wrapped in love:
Not bad isn’t the same as good.
And comfortable isn’t the same as aligned.
So… When Do You Know It’s Time to Go?
Let’s be real: Leaving a job, especially one you've invested years in, is terrifying.
The bills don’t pay themselves. And what if the next place is worse? What if the grass isn’t greener? What if you’re just… being ungrateful?
These are the golden handcuffs of fear. They look good on paper, but they keep you small.
Career coach Jenny Blake says:
“If you’re in a role where you're constantly drained, uninspired, or out of alignment with your values, you're not just stuck, you’re shrinking.”
You’ll know it’s time to go when the cost of staying becomes greater than the risk of leaving.
When your soul starts sighing louder than your manager’s Monday pep talks.
And sometimes, the “sign” isn’t dramatic. Sometimes it’s a whisper. A slow dulling of your spark. A craving for something more you.
But What If It’s the Same Everywhere?
Here’s a juicy little secret from the coaching world:
It is the same everywhere, if you haven’t changed.
You see, the external move only works if it’s paired with internal clarity.
You don’t need to “job hop” your way into happiness, you need to come home to yourself. Then choose.
Ask yourself:
- Who am I without the job title?
- What makes me feel alive?
- What am I pretending not to know?
If your current role doesn’t match that no matter how “good” it looks on paper, it might be time to pivot.
Rewriting the Script
This isn’t about tossing your entire career in the bin and moving to Bali (although, tempting). It’s about realignment. About questioning the default settings you’ve lived by.
It’s also about recognising the difference between:
- Growth discomfort (this is hard but right)
vs. - Misalignment discomfort (this is wrong and draining)
Final Thoughts (And a Little Nudge)
You’re not a robot. You’re not your résumé.
You are a human being with desires, creativity, intuition and purpose. And if that purpose feels muffled, it’s not selfish to explore it.
As the great Brené Brown once said:
“You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.”
So, if your current job feels more like a cage than a calling, consider this your permission slip to ask some brave questions.
And remember:
The grass might not be greener.
But you will be.
